This is my first post on Radio Love and yes, I am nervous.
There is so much that happened since July and I have absolutely no clue of how to bring things into a chronological order.
I am sitting in a beautiful vegan café in Ollantaytambo, in the Sacred Valley of the Incas in Perú where I live with my family since some months.
I am happy to still be alive. Happy to have somehow returned to ‘my life’, whatever that means.
I am starting this blog – ‘Follow the Snowy Owl’ – on Radio Love not to give instructions on how to survive the ‘long, dark night of the soul’. It would be useless anyway, as each path (and each truth!) is different and unique. In fact, the Snowy Owl, my teacher and companion for some days now, suggested that my stories may help others who struggle through the dark waters of Void, not knowing when (and if ever…) the shore will be near.
A lot has been written (and I have read a good part of it) about ascensions, spiritual and Kundalini awakenings and concepts there are many.
Have they helped me survive these long, endless nights that leave you shattered in the morning, not sure about who, where and when you are?
Well, what really helped me, are some blogs and posts of people who report on their experience. And suddenly you understand:
I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS!!
I feel deep inside that all concepts and ‘truths’ I have read in books, seen in films and have been taught by spiritual guides never really set roots in my heart.
Someone wrote: ‘If you find yourself in the center of darkness, maybe you haven’t been buried. Maybe you have been planted.’
And this is how I feel about the experiences that I went through since July this year. As hard and shattering as they were, but they have planted something in me. Some seeds that slowly but stubbornly seek the surface, never giving up and finally succeeding in integrating deep knowledge and understanding in my heart, soul and yes: the mind.
(Poor mind, by the way, it tries to understand what happens on a logical level, and is bound to fail. I take it by the hand every now and then to show him the miracles of Trust and Love, because I will need him, this mind, this valuable partner on the path…)
Experience (for me) is the key to development.
And experience doesn’t care about comfort zones or a ‘good life’. Experience lets you feel a deep truth and afterwards the mind struggles for words to describe what happened. But then words often fail. What does not fail is the sudden change in your behaviour towards situations, people, emotions.
A tender smile towards the shadows, then, to say thank you. Thank you for the pain, for the uncertainty, for the doubts and tears. Without I wouldn’t have evolved…
It was a dull day in December when I woke up with (again) no hope, no joy, no feeling of safe grounds, no trust in the spirits, the path, the angels and the rest of the pack.
I had read about the Kundalini awakening the night before, having all the painful symptoms and none of the caressing ones. Had read posts about the Light, the Love, the Galactic fleet that was circling the Earth, preparing for the Major Awakening and what not. I went down to the kitchen, preparing my morning coffee (out of habit, not out of joy). Opening the online browser to read more social media, to find more knowledge on the Path and the Awakening and the Shamanic Journey and the Bliss and all the rest of it. And then I closed the notebook, saying out loud:
‘F*ck the path!’
The beginning of a beautiful day. I went to my favorite café in Pisac, a small village near Cuzco in the Peruvian Andes. Had a Kombucha, a fat but lovely cat snuggling beside me. Listening to a guy at the neighboring table who explained his ‘followers’ the all and everything on Ascension and dimensions.
Wow, was he brilliant. Wow, was he a man of colourful words. Wow, did he tell them about the Higher Self and on the mechanisms of incarnating into this world.
Big Wow, really!
And I felt… yes, jealous. Look at this guy, he knows all, he is Awake, he has understood the path to its very roots. But something lacked. And it took me some time to find out:
It was L-O-V-E.
I felt no Love in his words. A burst of knowledge, an ecstasy of mind, a brain orgy.
But: no L-O-V-E.
It was then that I started cuddling the cat next to me, and when she started purring I understood that this will be my path. The path of the heart, not the path of spiritual competition. And something in me switched and my heart filled with Joy…