It was a beautiful wedding, nervously and fearfully planned yet filled with so much Love.
Me, Oliver, the occidental male brain driven guy, marrying Moonchild, the shamanic intuitional indigenous woman.
My heart may have missed some beats when I finally put my white hand into her brown one. Shyly looking to the left and her smile making me smile, too. I inhaled deeply, then I promised to trust her intuition and to walk side by side with this strange but lovely being from now on.
And she replied that yes, she would trust my sense of reason every now and then and finally we kissed and our hearts began to melt into one. A process that is still continuing.
There are days when ‘me’, Oliver is very afraid to follow Moonchild, to trust feelings & intuition instead of facts. But the two of us learn to accept their partner and to walk together in Grace & Beauty.
This wedding took place in December last year (2019), in the middle of the night.
A candle was burning, a wooden beaker with Water by her side. Father Wind also was invited and of course Pachamama, Mother Earth. There were more guests, all of them invisible to the eye as they are spirits, attending the ceremony with great excitement and curiosity.
And there were bride & groom, sitting on the sofa in our little house in the Sacred Valley in Perú.
The groom: me.
The bride: also me.
No, I am not schizophrenic. At least not beyond the limits of everyone’s schizophrenia.
I am a guy who was raised in Germany limited by the boundaries of Western fact driven science.
‘Believe only what science has proven.’
‘Be in control of life.’
‘Do not trust your feelings.’
‘Only dare into risks after you have done heavy research & pro-contra-lists.’
And so on. I guess you know some more of these…
In 2015, this guy, me, had decided to start from scratch and move into a campervan, together with his wife, their 2-year-old daughter and two chihuahuas. Travelling Europe & Russia and later Central America in an old Volkswagen van. He learned to talk to plants and found two teachers in Colombia who guided him into a new, intuitional world.
One of the teachers being an indigenous taita, a medicine man in Putumayo in the very South of Colombia. For a year and a half I began experiencing within me what I previously only had known from spiritual books and esoteric concepts.
I had encountered a heavy wooden door locking my heart and gently managed to open it. Suffering from the scars on my heart that lay behind this door. Understanding them, experiencing the pain from decades ago once more and then letting go in deep Forgiveness. I had learned my lessons from a shaman who sang them into a wooden cup and by drinking the learning process started.
I dived deep into what I called the ‘magic world’ and more than once my rational mind gazed at what was happening, in deep non-understanding and mistrust.
And when the honeymoon of exciting ceremonies and a lot of learning (by experience, not through books!) was over, my mind went crazy.
Since July last year I suffer from panic attacks and now and then boosts of depression.
And it took me quite some time to find what’s wrong, to have a clear vision of the purpose of this, my 2nd long, dark night of the soul (and to accept its existence as necessary):
There was a clash raging within me. A clash between the world view of the male Western brain and the female indigenous intuition. A clash that I would never be able to end by giving up one of the two. A clash that could only be solved by Love, by Trust.
And so, one night, I decided to have the spiritual wedding.
Inside of me.
Since that night, I get along more peacefully. There still are the shadows, the doubts, the fear and sometimes the bursts of tears. But now I understand where they come from. And the hand of Moonchild softly takes the hand of Oliver and leads him to the magical realm of Love & Trust where fears can be healed on a deep level.
And in exchange, Oliver explains the necessity of sometimes analyzing situations, to plan & schedule to Moonchild and every now and then they marvel at each other’s abilities.
Oliver and Moonchild have met in the middle. They are learning to respect the worldview, the paradigm of their Beloved and to trust each other through the good and through the harsh times.
We, the modern so-called civilized people love to look down at the indigenous tribes, feeling very proud and ah! so helping them to ‘develop’ away from their ‘primitive’ systems into our money & technology driven world.
What for, please?
Are we so happy living in our systems? School children are suffering from burn out & depression, every year more of them. Children, their tender emotions being wiped out by a world of competition…!
Mental diseases are spreading that we cure down with medication. We kill our valuable microbiomes with smartphone radiation and fast food and then curse God, the government or simply fate when diagnosed with cancer.
We have iPhones, an SUV in the garage and long distance vacations in luxurious resorts somewhere far away. And we have weapons of mass destructions that might easily destroy the whole – this – planet.
Are we really so ‘developed’?
Then there are the indigenous people. Who live in harmony with Mother Nature, for Thousands of years. Who live a simple but – as it seems to me – happy life. From whom we can learn a lot. If we dare to listen. If we finally climb down our arrogant Ivory towers that we had built in full fear of our feelings and intuition.
We have lived with people of the Emberá, Kuna, Inga, Mochica and Quechua tribes in Latin America and have learned to slowly adapt to their calm and holistic style of life, to accept their mystical and very often symbolical understanding of this world and its creation. Have enjoyed the cosmology with their mystical animals and the power of the Elders which is so much more beautiful than our rational Big Bang of molecules (which is a valid perspective, but only a perspective, not THE truth…).
But respect is not a one-way alley. Some indigenous call us white ‘gringos’ – and basically all non-indigenous people – the ‘Younger Brothers’.
They are the ‘Elder Brothers’. The ones who have the knowledge, who are the key for a better future.
Which is the same kind of arrogance.
They want to lead us back living their way of life. Which is not only impossible but also – again: this is my personal opinion – not the road to evolution and towards the often promised Golden Age.
I understand the deep mistrust, fear and yes: anger that dwells in the tribes that have been mass murdered and robbed, mistreated and lied at by the ‘Gringos’. Not only in the aftermath of the ‘Discovery of the Americas’ by Columbus (HE discovered the Americas? Were they empty before…?)
I understand that deep wounds have to be healed and their mistrust is very understandable when looking at what our governments (and theirs) do unto them.
But then, what might be the solution?
In my opinion it is not about ‘Who the f**k knows better?’.
This is an attitude that will never help us to become One, to finally evolve.
We need to step forward, to meet each other in the middle. On eye level.
We need to offer our hand and accept the outstretched hand of the one who is so different from us. Only then will we witness a gradual fusion into a humanity that can cope with nowadays challenges.
Shamans & Western doctors, unite…
Rationalists & Dreamers, unite…
Scientists & Poets, unite…
1 and 1 is 2. 2 and 3 makes 5. 3 and 5 makes 8. And so on. The ancient and the new have to come together to sum up to something more. A guy called Fibonacci found this principle in nature’s growth and created the resulting Fibonacci sequence. It is not 3 OR 5, it is 3 AND 5. Then you can have the 8. Else you remain in your limited space.
And the uniting process starts within yourself, my friend…
Yes, it is daring to conquer your core beliefs. Yes, science offers a cozy security barrier against the uncertainties of life. But this barrier is an illusion and like every dam one day it will break and the Sea enters and if you haven’t learned to swim you will drown.
Dare to overcome barriers, dare to reach out and embrace your opposite. In Love, in Trust.
Then, one day, shamans & doctors will walk hand in hand, sharing the great mysteries of life and discovering magic in the eyes and hearts of each other.
For all the brave, for all the loving.
And for Lia who started to seed this lesson into me on a magic mountain in Italy…
Pisac, Sacred Valley of the Incas, January, 19th
Oliver ‘Wyld Rose’ Kyr